Saturday, October 29, 2011

Dear Nonhle

Dear Nonhle

These are things that I am not:

1. A fan
2. Broke

These are things that I am:

1. Tired of being subjected to your incoherent and misspelt rants retweeted all over my timeline.
2. Bored of you

Despite my best efforts I am unable to avoid you so I thought I'd help you out with a concise list of investment ideas for your insurmountable wealth:

1. An education and/or spellcheck
2. A reputable manager that can salvage your career
3. Mood stabilising medication
4. A comfy chair so that you can sit down
5. A getaway car for when one of your 'broke ass fans', who you constantly insult, tries to take you out (and I don't mean on a date)

Now, these are things that your money can't buy you:

1. A clue
2. A friend who is honest enough to tell you how insufferable you are
3. Talent

In a country divided by haves and have nots, you straddle a fine line. You're rich but you're poverty stricken when it comes to class. Just one more thing your money can't buy you.

So, Nonhle, I think Bheki Cele said it best, 'Shut up'.

Yours sincerely,

P.S. You may be rich but some poor person who spent R10 on a Lotto ticket will be 3 times richer than you tonight. Perspective?